pinktalk

A few things I need to cover since I was swamped at work today.

Boys. Gentlemen, I hope you won't be offended when I tell you to grow the fuck up and get over yourself and, most of all, stop being dumb to my friends. I mean, you are lucky to be getting laid regular in the first place, but please, you have the added bonus of getting action from my hyper-hott ladyfriends who are brainy, ass-kicking, funny and full-on sexy. So, honestly, just grow up or think about suicide because you are seriously boring me.

Jane magazine. Let's face it, Jane (and Jane [Pratt] for that matter). You can never be what I want you to be. It was obvious from your very first issue, yet, me being a sentimental girl, I kept sending you the subscription money, maybe in the hopes that Margie and Christina would come back and all of a sudden you would totally be Sassy again, complete with awesomely withering Tiffani-Amber Thiessen interview. But you won't ever be that way again. Actually? You suck. And the fact that you give Pamela Anderson a column (a monthly column!) is like putting thumbtacks in my nipples, that is how much you hurt me. Well, you can't hurt me anymore, you sad shell of your former self! I shall not renew, I tell you! And nothing can convince me otherwise! Not even the reemergence of "Cute Band Alert"!

Election Day. Hey, it's Election Day tomorrow. I hope you will vote, because a lot of the nitty-gritty rules about how you live your day to day life comes down to the people elected at these "boring" elections, where there is no sexy presidential race to lure you to the polls. Don't let some crazy fringe freak-o get elected the local school board just by not showing up when you know all his pals at the Klan are going to be there with hoods on. This shit is important.

Ionizing hairdryer. So the hairdryer I had to haul ass through the dirty, white-trash-infested Wal-Mart for? It was one of those "ionizing" ones, and Dan and I have been unable to stop making jokes about that particular brand of pseudoscience. Yet, perhaps through some kind of placebo effect, I find my hair very manageable today after using it. (And, you know, for what it's worth, the internet is confounding me this evening, I can't even find any good links for this, and I really wanted one on the myth of the ionizing product. Is it possible it isn't a myth? Help!)

Film. If you didn't make it to the Flux event last weekend, my native people (err, that would be you Pittsburghers), perhaps you would dig the Three Rivers Film Festival, which is starting this coming weekend. I mean, God, you live in a really quirkily cool little city, why not make the most of it, people? As soon as my totally rad horoscope comes true, I will totally go with y'all to this stuff, but until then you must forge ahead, hipsters!

Misc. Hey, while I am typing this, my one cat is dreaming and is twitching in his sleep. Cute!

Hey, look, everyone has Crispin Glover on the brain! (Scroll down there, you'll see it eventually...via Gawker, natch.) Hey, Anna, this wasn't your work, was it? Hee.

And, via my husbandman: more wackiness may ensue from another (even stronger) geomagnetic storm which may or may not result in getting to see an aurora tonight, which would totally rock. So, you know, keep your eyes peeled.

More about the geomagnetic storm I mentioned last night -- MSNBC has an already animated (no download needed) little movie thing of the coronal mass ejection that is prompting the storm, which is way cool.

And another recurring topic here: Uncle Rummy! The NYT opines that his recently leaked memo wondering whether the war on terrorism is working is part of his latest attempts to power grab. I suspect that signs point to yes on that one. (And I am eagerly waiting to see if the Newspaper of Record will also write an opinion piece on what color the sky is tomorrow!) This morning I find that I prefer the song stylings of the folks over at the CSM with their spunky pop-psychoanalysis of his creepy machismo vibe and the leaked memo. Listen, we all can think of nasty things to say about this guy, but just because it's easy to take a shot doesn't mean one should abandon the art of the insult!

I was at the gas station buying cigarettes with Dan-o before he heads out when I saw it: the current issue of the Weekly World News, with the screaming headline, "World's Fattest Cat Has World's Fattest Kittens!" You know my ass bought that shit up right away. I laughed like a moron all the way to the cash register. Rawk, I am going to read it right now so that I can, as promised on the cover, "hex people [I] hate"!

Oh yeah, and something about science Dan-o told me at din-din tonight, because he is what the Weekly World News would call "World's Smartest Man!": there is going to be a big-ass geomagnetic storm tomorrow! (But not like this one, mind you.) It is super-interesting, actually, even for someone like me who is absolutely retarded about hard science. (In fact, my first question was, "So, uhm, is the sun broken?") Basically, weirdness with satellites and things like that might happen tomorrow. Kind of interesting, and also you will sound smart to your officemates if you know why no one's cell phone is working, don't you think? But the coolest part is, there might be auroras visible at latitudes where most of you live! So everyone look for them tomorrow night, I am super-excited and hope we have clear weather!

OK, now I read all about how 25% of Earth's population are aliens! (See Weekly World News, October 28 edition, page 42-43.)

The devotion my husband has to monkeys -- he has, at times, suggested that instead of having a baby someday, we get a capuchin monkey and dress it up in baby clothes -- made this headline catch my eye: apparently monkeys know when they are being cheated. Awesome. So it's not just the insane bluehairs I am always stuck behind in Target complaining that they were shorted a penny with their change!

I totally dig this article on parallel universes today. It gives a whole new dimension of viability to certain "Buffy" episodes! Well, maybe only a little, but still.