pinktalk

Via Wonkette: How Bush tricked Bush! Ha!

And. Being as sweet as I am (ahem), I get a lot of insect bites. Today I discovered one, obtained last evening while beer-drinking and chain-smoking while chatting with Ms. Erin on my back porch. It is in the worst of all places possible -- the Not-Ass. That is to say, near the ass, but really at the very top of my thigh, directly across the ass-border. This is the worst area to have a bug bite, because even though any reasonable person would agree that this is most certainly not ass terrotory, scratching it in public is just not okay. And today, all the crazy itchiness was exacerbated by my unwise choice of undergarments. You see, today was the day I wore my "To His Coy Mistress" underthings -- they are lacy and sexy in a way that seems sort of antiquated, which ordinarily I find rather charming. And being cut the way that they are, and with the whole lace issue, not to mention the posture demanded to wear very high heels all day long, the lace kept triggering the itchiness. I was tortured by the desire to vigrously scratch my Not-Ass all day long. Jesus, what a trial!

In the last 24-hours:

My co-worker, struggling to diplomatically describe an obese woman: "She's very grandiose in size!"

Dan, on the local teevee commercials for the circus: "Man, I remember when there were only three riders in the Ball of Death. Now there's five! Times change, don't they?"

A couple o'things.

First, let me say, I have not been over to WhiteHouse.org in ages, so it was just now that I read their very humorous "transcript" of Bush's remarks at the correspondents' dinner a few weeks ago. Very, very funny, you know, because it's true.

Also, lately I have been feeling really obsessed with reassembling my once mighty Morrissey record collection. I had everything on tapes way back in the stone ages, but they have sort of gotten lost and seem less useful in our digital age anyway. So that's what I am up to, in the way back of my brain.

Up this weekend? Heinous trip to the in-laws planned for Sunday afternoon, so I am hoping for some sort of non-scarring, non-fatal, mild accident to befall me tomorrow when we're in Noho in ithe hopes that it might not come to pass that I spend my Sunday lunch in Connecticut staring sullenly at a plate of boiled meat and canned vegetables. Like, would it be okay to pray for pink eye?

First of all: hee!

Good afternoon, pink punks! Everything in my life still crazed and unpleasant, but not in a way that's particularly out of the ordinary. Work, knitting, sleep, intermixed with a little fruit-eating and watching C-SPAN is mostly what I've been up to.

Although, I can report with no small amount of sadness that the awesome pink shoes I mentioned ages ago were finally worn and proved to be a little (a lot) painful. But I will wear them anyway, obviously!

Also, there's a gas station on my way home from work that has a series of sandwich board style signs that read, as you drive by, "4 pints for $5," "Going skiiing?," then, "We've got worms!" I have no idea what any of the signs could possibly mean or, like, how they relate to each other. Are worms sold in pints? You don't take worms skiiing, do you? Very curious.

Highly important demonstration of conservative dumbess: notes from the Pentagon found at Starbucks! But, hey, what's dumber: leaving the papers there or going to Starbucks in the first place? Who can say? It's a mystery!

Oh the weather! It is bee-yoo-ti-ful, uhm, comparatively anyway. Perfect spring-esque weather, a nice swift commute home to the strains of the Shins and Cheap Trick, sipping extra-milky coffee and everything! Don't look now, but I think I'm in a good mood!

Guess what I'm doing this evening? Breaking into the Kureyon and whipping up a hat and watching dvds (will it be season 3 "Buffy" or "Sports Night" or maybe season 2 "Alias"? Eeee, so many decisions!) while Mr. Pink is at a meetin' in Springfield! Is it lame that I am pretty psyched about this plan?

I think it is just what the doctor ordered -- pretending I live in a world sans Rumsfeld!

Advice I gave my co-worker's fifteen-year-old son today, all of it quite ill-advised and inappropriate:

"Be sure to read all the D.H. Lawrence you can get your hands on before the sexy parts are no longer titillating, you know, after you start reading Penthouse or whatever. You can never get those innocent days back, man."

"Oh, you should totally take creative writing next year, it's the easiest A you'll ever get, dude. In high school, you have all these reasons to write bad poetry, like, uhm, who you're taking to the Snowball Dance or whatever. Plus, you have to do it now because when you get to college, no one is gonna bullshit you and tell you you're brilliant any more."

Sorry again for the lack of posting. That is such an annoying thing to write, isn't it? Like, oh yeah, my adoring fans! I do have some things to say about the Super Tuesday experience in our local precinct (new voting machines that I think I approve of, but I do miss the back-to-the-future experience of the old lever machines built to withstand a nuclear blast we used to have), how we all need to jump down on it and give John Kerry some cash dollars to fight the (hopefully) good fight, my current knitting, how I heard that great old Cornershop song on the radio yesterday and it took me back big time, and all this other random stuff but I am feeling a bit sleepy and I have to get ready for my Wednesday hott date with Mr. Adam Brody. Mmmmmhmmmm.

Something rad: my mom just sent me an email wherein she used the phrase "I must have been on crack when I ordered Girl Scout cookies!" Oh my GOD, so awesome, I want to get it tattooed on my back, like, stat!

(Mom, I am not making fun of you, for the record. Well, only a little, and with affection!)

News remnants...

Via Gawker: Dr. Atkins was quite fat!

Tucker Carlson, a man of taste? "I would never let my kids listen to that [Britney Spears] shit," he said. Instead, he refers the children to "soulful music" like the Grateful Dead. Hmm. Well!

The Marc Jacobs show scoop from Elizabeth Spiers.

New righteous anger from MoveOn.org and Win Without War with a call for censure of the President. Sign the petition here.

Bush or Palpatine? You be the judge! Of course, I am actually quite unfamiliar with those Star Wars films, so I am not very good at this game at all. (Via The Morning News.)

Kind of cool idea on unusual t-shirts at this place, Threadless. (Via Monoki.)

I forgot to give the old heh-heh to the stale news of Cigargate, which I first saw gleefully screaming from the cover of the NY Post this weekend on our way to NJ. I wonder what Graydon thinks!

P.S. -- Does anyone know anything about Rhinebeck, NY? Like, for example, things to do besides eating at the nearby Culinary Institute? Or, you know, an inexplicably unpopular yet well-appointed local inn that won't be booked for this coming holiday weekend?

You know, Ms. Jilly (Pittsburgher extraordinaire!) beat me to it, but the TWoP review of Clay Aiken's cd is a pissah, as we say here in hateful fucking New England.

Oh hey, I meant to say, speaking of Pittsburgh -- everyone, wish me oodles of luck, I am taking matters into my own hands on the relocation tip. Woo. Not that I expect any immediate action, but I am trying to work from within my ginormous Fortune 500 type company to transfer me outta this hellhole. Yes, one pep talk from Madame Teej later and I am just throwing caution (and spousal concerns) to the wind and trying to make it happen! I am Mary Tyler fucking Moore! Woo, I say again, and then I throw my jaunty woolen cap into the air!

But in the meantime, until I work it all out, I am going to focus all my energy on making a thought screen helmet to avoid getting abducted by aliens. Idle hands are the devil's playground!

I was at the gas station buying cigarettes with Dan-o before he heads out when I saw it: the current issue of the Weekly World News, with the screaming headline, "World's Fattest Cat Has World's Fattest Kittens!" You know my ass bought that shit up right away. I laughed like a moron all the way to the cash register. Rawk, I am going to read it right now so that I can, as promised on the cover, "hex people [I] hate"!

Oh yeah, and something about science Dan-o told me at din-din tonight, because he is what the Weekly World News would call "World's Smartest Man!": there is going to be a big-ass geomagnetic storm tomorrow! (But not like this one, mind you.) It is super-interesting, actually, even for someone like me who is absolutely retarded about hard science. (In fact, my first question was, "So, uhm, is the sun broken?") Basically, weirdness with satellites and things like that might happen tomorrow. Kind of interesting, and also you will sound smart to your officemates if you know why no one's cell phone is working, don't you think? But the coolest part is, there might be auroras visible at latitudes where most of you live! So everyone look for them tomorrow night, I am super-excited and hope we have clear weather!

OK, now I read all about how 25% of Earth's population are aliens! (See Weekly World News, October 28 edition, page 42-43.)