Dear aging yuppie guy in the elevator of my officeplex:
I don't know if you thought you were being witty or flirtatious or really smartassed or what, but honestly, I am here to tell you: drop dead.
I was standing there, minding my own business and reading a magazine when you stopped yammering on your cell phone to say, "[snort] Nice name for a magazine." Yeah, it is a nice name. And if I were interested in the opinion of a domestic beer-drinking, Dockers-wearing, low-end SUV-driving, Hair Club for Men member, I would sure trot my ass over to the closest fucking T.G.I. Friday's during a NASCAR race and ask. However, since I was just riding in the elevator, I think it's safe to assume I would rather drop you in a giant Fry Daddy (since you no doubt own one) til you turn a crisp golden brown than talk to your sorry bourgeois self, much less try and explain to your flaccid intellect the finer points of third wave feminism.
Now that we have that cleared up, you can return to your boring old guy life full of pathetic rememberances of that one time a girl with a saline chest gave you a hand job in your Dodge Omni, back when you were rushing Sig Chi and could see your own toes from a standing position.
Love,
Sarah
You're killing me. I can hardly handly how funny that was.
You rawk. -- lena
Posted by: Lena | October 14, 2003 at 02:40 PM
It was a Neon, not an Omni...as if!
Posted by: forrest | October 14, 2003 at 03:05 PM
i think i dated this guy. once. i realized too late that he was this big loser ambulance chaser who thought he was hot snot on a china plate etc. etc. who was really a big goober with an inexcusably messy car.
Posted by: brigita | October 14, 2003 at 04:17 PM
My God. You made me realize how grateful I am that I can still see my "toes from a standing position." Thank you, Sarah. Thank you.
Posted by: Will | October 14, 2003 at 04:43 PM
No, no, it is the Dodge Omni, believe you me!
Witness the power of the Omni!
You know a guy who wants to take issue with my magazines totally drove an Omni in 1981.
Posted by: Sarah | October 14, 2003 at 04:50 PM
yeah, what is it about Bitch magazine that just brings out the unclever people?
xox
Posted by: Erin | October 14, 2003 at 10:31 PM
ouch! Remind me not to piss you off! :)
Posted by: Courtney | October 15, 2003 at 09:17 AM
That was definitely a "get me a towel so I can wipe the coffee off my monitor" kind of post. Hilarious.
:-)
Posted by: Mary | October 15, 2003 at 09:42 AM